Words and Post-it Notes

(2:10am) I texted you about pokemon. So stupid a thing, but it was something we had kind of bonded over, ya know? We watched that movie at your house, both sprawled over the large chair and ottoman. You told me that was your best memory of us. I told you I thought our best was driving down back roads with the rain so thick we couldn’t see the road in front of us, Coheed on the radio. There are so many other memories: waffle house at 2am, the fair, playing in the pool, visiting Mama G, Samuel and Florence. You’re back roads at midnight, a script, the wind blowing with the windows down, Hot Topic, and that Gameboy. Basically this is a solid ‘missing you’. ”..don’t bother to write..” (2:18am)

(12:59am) My dreams have been a little terrifying lately. Ok terrifying is a strong word, but they’ve been very uncomfortable to wake up to. I had one the other morning and I don’t remember what happened, but I remember pulling my arms under the covers as if that would protect them along with the distinct impression that they were bound somehow. When i became fully awake I remember a very clear sensation of discomfort running in lines up and down my arms, as if they’d been cut and shredded by something. o.O All my dreams have had a thread of that terror running through them. I wonder if that’s a sign I should write horror…. My brain, ladies and gentleman.  I just wanted to document my nightmares since I can’t find my journal right now aaaaaaaaaaand, yeah. I’ll eventually find a way to defend myself from these. Until then, here’s to restless dreams. (1:33am)

(12:56am) It’s moments like this when I wish I had a boyfriend. I’ve been reading Harry Potter quotes, flipping through favorite quotes, mourning Sirius, Fred, Tonks, Lupin, and the rest. And crying. This is my childhood. I grew up with these books. This was what my father read to my family. These are the books we fought over, the series we hid under beds and in closets just to be the first to finish. These are the books I spent hours reading under the covers with a flashlight. These are the characters I grew up with, the actors I grew up with. I so desperately wanted to be a Hufflepuff, to have a wand, to be an Animangus. And right now it’s way past my bedtime, I’m overtired, and mourning the loss of my youth, clutching desperately to these books. I just wish I had boy to pet me while I’m pathetic and crying. I want a boy who will get it, get me, and understand this. I need a boy to stroke my hair while I cry over the dead fictional characters and kiss my broken heart better. :)  I need to be someone’s Lily. :))) And I need a boy who’ll run his fingers through my soul and know me.  “You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death from the pain of it..” (1:42am)

(3:04pm) I am in love with the life I lead. I know I complain and rant a lot about all the things that go wrong and things that piss me off, but today is just a really good day. I did yoga with my dad yesterday which hurt, but was actaully really fun. I feel wonderfully tense and sore. :) The sun is shining, I have books to read, my parents were both offered jobs, and my dogs are freakin cute! This is a good life I have. I have a house I come home to and a school that carries me away with academics and crazy adventures. I have a family. I have a job. I have millions of books (ok not millions but a lot) to keep me entertained. I have wonderful friends who love me. And I live at The Beach. There’s really not a whole lot of room for complaining. :) Anyways, here’s to a glorious day, and this particular moment in time. From the floor of every life I lead. (3:09pm)

(10:31pm) I’m back home and settling in nicely. I have so much crap that it’s a little bothersome, but I”ll manage somehow. Today I discovered just how lovely networking can be. I might have found a mormon DR who’s willing to work with my family on getting my physical for the mish.  I was going to say more but I’m just so sleepy. So this will have to suffice for now. Sorry. More from the Beach later. (10:46pm) 

(2:40am) The room’s been packed up. It’s pretty much the most depressing feeling ever. All our posters are gone, everything has been put away, and there’s not a whole lot left. Our home is now just another room ready to house another set of students. And the most heartbreaking part: this will probably be my last time every living with Donny. “…i’ll wait for the ambulance to come, ambulance to come pick us up off the floor..” I’m too tired to actually comprehend life as I know it right now. I’m just too tired. There’s so much we’ve done, had to do, have to do. And I’m not functioning properly. This will probably hit a lot harder later today when I’ve slept and rested, but for now I’m a wee bit numb inside and trying to just string words together. ATL is on. The sign on our door is still up. For one last night this is still our home. So here’s to the last good night. “…sleep well, my friend, there will be another moment we’ll meet again…” (3:18am)

(6:38pm) “I want something else to get me through this semi charmed kind of life…” Today has been the stuff of legends. Seriously. I woke up today at 11:45 to a text message that said “the water is gonna be cooooold.” That’s right, I went bridge jumping. I walked over to Kohaku’s at noon and we set out on an adventure. It started to rain. Like full on, my hair and skin became soaked rain. (He picked the best day.) So we’re in the car and he says “wait….is this a date?” And I laughed and said “I think it is!” So we finally get to the bridge. And it’s big. 50 feet. So we walk across the bridge and there are two guys, one preppin to jump, and one with a camera in his hands. Kohaku makes the first jump, ya know to show me how it’s done. :) One thing I have to say about the bridge, you must climb OVER a rail in order to jump. In the rain. While it’s kind of cold. Mhm. (I didn’t slip and die!) So after Kohaku hits the water, and Cruiser jumps, I’m up to bat. :)) It took me a few minutes to get over and get my bearings and then I look at Kohaku and smile. “Wish me luck.” I said, and then jumped. I didn’t scream. Well at least not until I had fallen almost the entire way and then I was like “WHY AM I STILL FALLING!?!?!” And screamed. And then came the icy water. My skin turned like orange and purple. It was gross. So naturally we jumped again. So we climbed over the rail together and stood poised and ready. Count of three and then we went over. Very cold. Again. At this point  I can’t get out of the water myself. So Kohaku gets out and helps me up, and PUSHES ME BACK IN! I was not happy. There was a high pitched scream, sputtering, and a bruised tailbone, and yyyyeah. Then there was subway, a movie, then laying around, and just talking about life as we knew it. That just always seems to be the way of it. 6 hours together. A very good day. Anyways…this is enough for now.” “Weightless..” (8:40pm)